Why I’m Staying

Sometimes Social Media is My Sangha

Hey there, let’s talk about leaving the socials.

I get it. Social media can be quite the dumpster fire of negativity, doom-scrolling, and “alternative facts.” All of the social platforms are designed to keep us addicted, and honestly, that’s just plain toxic. Taking breaks and setting boundaries is crucial.

Between endless ads, the indefatigable propaganda machine, privacy concerns, and the pressure to maintain a perfect online presence, it can be overwhelming, to say the least. Many of us are realizing that constantly being “plugged in” is just about the worst thing for our mental health, so some are taking a much-needed break or leaving altogether.

Of course, what’s also driving this exodus is frustration and fury with how platforms are run. Greedy, self-serving jerkfaces like Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk, et al are rightly criticized for putting profits and personal ambitions ahead of planetary well-being. Whether it’s allowing and profiting from harmful content, pushing polarizing algorithms, or overhauling platforms in ways that benefit their bottom line more than our human experience, these decisions are leaving people fed up. It’s all leading people to explore alternatives orlave the whole digital landscape altogether.

I am glad the leavers are doing what they need to protect their wild and precious lives.

But to me, it kinda feels like the powers and principalities of this world are trying harder than ever to keep us apart because they know we’re stronger together. And, believe it or not, I still think social media can help us get there (yeah, even with all its messiness).

I am a nature therapy guide, for cryin’ out loud, and I would much rather be in the forest frolicking with the mosses and creepy crawlies than glued to a screen. But, I’ve also spent decades cultivating community in online spaces from the weird and wonderful world of Second Life, to private networks like Wild Church Network Ecosystem on Mighty Networks and more Zoom gatherings than I can count.

I have taken my share of digital detox breaks from Facebook and I totally ditched X/Twitter. And there are plenty of good reasons to exit the madness once and for all.

Maybe we leave those platforms for good one day. Maybe we find some super woo-woo nerds who can help us create better online options. But for now, I want to be where the people are (ugh, I heard it too.)

So for now, I am staying.

The Wisdom of Interbeing: Thích Nhất Hạnh and the Sangha

Thích Nhất Hạnh, the legendary Zen teacher, said something amazing: "The next Buddha may not take the form of an individual. The next Buddha may take the form of a community — a Sangha practicing understanding and loving-kindness." Think about that for a second. What if the next great change doesn’t come from one person, but from all of us together? That’s the power of community. It’s about connection, support, and purpose.

Participating in The Great Turning

Joanna Macy, an incredible thinker and activist, talks about The Great Turning. She believes we’re in the middle of a huge shift from a society that just focuses on growth to one that sustains life.

Joanna Macy’s "Three Stories of Our Time" breaks down how people see the world today into three big-picture narratives.

First, there’s Business as Usual, where everything’s fine, and we just keep doing what we’ve been doing—no big changes needed. Then there’s The Great Unraveling, which is a much darker take, focusing on how our systems—ecological, social, and economic—are breaking down because the way we’re living just isn’t sustainable. Finally, there’s The Great Turning, which is the hopeful one. It’s all about shifting our mindset and working together to build a society that’s sustainable, just, and better for everyone.

These stories help us make sense of what’s going on in the world and think about where we fit in all of it.

“It is no longer appropriate to think only in terms of even my nation or my country, let alone my village. If we are to overcome the problems we face, we need what I have called a sense of universal responsibility rooted in love and kindness for our human brothers and sisters. In our present state of affairs, the very survival of humankind depends on people developing concern for the whole of humanity, not just their own community or nation. The reality of our situation impels us to act and think more clearly. Narrow-mindedness and self-centered thinking may have served us well in the past, but today will only lead to disaster. We can overcome such attitudes through the combination of education and training.” ― Joanna Macy, Coming Back to Life: The Updated Guide to the Work That Reconnects

The first two stories are real and true. We can choose to stay in those, but ultimately being stuck in Business As Usual or The Great Unraveling serves the interests of the rich and powerful because it keeps us isolated, afraid, and disempowered.

I choose to live in the story of the Great Turning and to do that, I need community.

I Need You

Ultimately the reason I’m staying is selfish. I need you. I need to know that there are other heartbroken, beautiful, angry, loving, hopeful, determined people out there doing their best to resist the oligarchy and reimagine what it means “to be alive on this fresh morning in the broken world,” as Mary Oliver reminds us in her poem “Invitation.”

Yes, local community is ideal. For me, that might look like a small, wild church meeting in a local park in Leiden. For you, that might look like an AA meeting gathering in the fellowship hall you’d otherwise not step foot into. For someone else that might be a book club or a crafting club or a rafting club.

But many of us feel geographically dislocated from the social enclaves that resonate with our hearts and minds. I know I sure do at my little desk in my little house on my little street in my little town in this lovely little country where I barely speak the language and hardly understand the deep and rich culture all around me.

I need you. I need the digital communities that I’m part of on various platforms. I need to know that there are people of all genders, races, nationalities, and experiences working to manifest more light into the world. If I can’t find you, I will sink into isolated despair. But if we can find each other—if we can connect, support, and lift each other up—I can keep going. We can keep fighting. We can keep dreaming.

Cultivating Immeasurable Communities Online

In Buddhism, the Four Immeasurables, also known as the Brahmaviharas, are four qualities to cultivate for a compassionate and harmonious life:

Loving-kindness: A boundless, unconditional wish for the happiness and well-being of all beings.

Compassion: A heartfelt desire to alleviate the suffering of others.

Sympathetic Joy: A genuine delight in the happiness and success of others without envy.

Equanimity: A balanced, peaceful state of mind that remains steady in the face of life’s ups and downs.

You know, kinda like loving our neighbors as ourselves.

So, how do we cultivate loving community online instead of letting those spaces perpetuate business as usual or the great unraveling? Here are some ideas:

1. Be Intentional: Show up with a purpose. Share your story, your art, or something that lights you up. Be real.

2. Manifest Affirming Spaces: Whether it’s a private group or just a friendly comment section, create places where people feel welcome.

3. Lift Others Up: Share posts from voices that don’t always get heard. Shine a light where it’s needed.

4. Get Creative Together: Host a virtual hangout, brainstorm on a project, or join a movement that makes your heart sing.

5. Set Boundaries: Unfollow the accounts that drain your energy, take days off from scrolling, and curate a feed that makes you feel good.

Social media, if we’re intentional about it, can take the shape of a Sangha. We can practice the Four Immeasurables in community not bound by proximity.

A Couple of Invitations

We’re living in a time when connection is an act of defiance. Social media can be a tool for resistance, creativity, and love — if we choose to inhabit it in that way. We can be there to build each other up, to share hope, and to remind ourselves that we’re all part of something bigger. Oh, and we can organize.

So here’s two invitations:

First an open-sentence* journal prompt.

I want to be part of a community that is ______.”

Next, write about how you can help make the prevailing social media platforms or any digital community you are a part of, your Sangha, your ecosystem, your space for active hope.

I’d love to know what you come up with if you feel like sharing.

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*Open Sentences come from the Work that Reconnects, a practice developed by Joanna Macy and others. It’s all about deep listening and speaking from the heart, and you’ll often find it used in therapy, education, or spiritual settings to help people connect and understand each other better.